Married couples can sometimes find themselves taking each other for granted. There is a saying in marriage counseling that says, “If you’re not growing together then you’re growing apart.” My challenge to you is to grow closer with your spouse by challenging yourself to show love to your spouse. Below are some practical ways to express love. Try doing as many items on this list as possible. Don’t tell your spouse you are working from a list but show them that you love them by loving them. Hopefully, you will rekindle your love for each other and create sweet memories for years to come.
I’d love to hear how the Love Challenge goes for you! Please post your experience in the comments below.
These love suggestions are for how a husband may better love his wife.
1. Say, “I love you” often
2. Express joy in your face and voice when seeing/talking with her.
3. Functioning as the loving leader of your home.
4. Leading family devotions regularly.
5. Not nit–picking and finding fault, and giving the impression that you expect her to be perfect.
6. Helping her wash and dry the dishes at least twice a week.
7. Taking care of the children for at least three hours every week so that she has free time to do whatever she wants.
8. Taking her out for dinner or to do something fun at least once a week.
9. Doing the “fix–it” jobs she wants done around the house.
10. Greeting her when you come home with a smile, a hug, a kiss, and an “Am I glad to see you. I really missed you today.”
11. Giving her a lingering kiss.
12. Patting her on the shoulder or fanny or holding her hand or caressing her frequently.
13. Being willing to talk to her about her concerns and not belittle her for having those concerns.
14. Looking at her with an adoring expression.
15. Sitting close to her.
16. Rubbing her back or…
17. Shaving or taking a bath or brushing your teeth before you have sex relations.
18. Wearing her favorite after–shave lotion.
19. Writing love notes or letters to her.
20. Letting her know you appreciate her and what you appreciate about her. Do this often and for things that are sometimes taken for granted.
21. Doing the dishes while she relaxes or takes a bubble bath.
22. Fulfilling her implied or unspoken desires and wishes as well as the specific requests she makes of you. Anticipating what she might desire and surprising her by doing it before she asks.
23. Playing with her; sharing her hobbies and recreational preferences enthusiastically; including her in yours.
24. Seeking to set a good example before the children.
25. Talking about her favorably to the children when she can hear you and when she cannot.
26. Bragging about her good points as a wife in every other area to others; letting her know you are proud to have her as your wife.
27. Maintaining your own spiritual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance and fellowship with God’s people.
28. Handling your affairs decently and in order; structuring your time and using it wisely.
29. Making plans prayerfully and carefully.
30. Asking her advice when you have problems or decisions to make.
31. Following her advice unless to do so would violate biblical principles.
32. Fulfilling your responsibilities.
33. Being sober, but not somber, about life.
34. Having a realistic, biblical, positive attitude toward life.
35. Discussing plans with your wife before you make decisions, and when the plans are made sharing them fully with your wife, giving reasons for making the decisions you did.
36. Thanking her in creative ways for her attempts to please you.
37. Asking forgiveness often and saying, “I was wrong and will try to change.”
38. Actually changing where and when you should.
39. Sharing your insights, reading, good experiences with her.
40. Planning for a mini–honeymoon, where the two of you can do whatever you want to do.
41. Giving a low whistle or some other expression of admiration when she wears a new dress or your favorite negligee or…
42. Gently brushing her leg under the table.
43. Being reasonably happy to go shopping with her.
44. Relating what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
45. Reminiscing about the early days of your marriage.
46. Expressing appreciation for her parents and relatives.
47. Taking her out to breakfast.
48. Agreeing with her about getting a new dress or some other item.
49. Thanking her when she supports your decisions and cooperates enthusiastically. Especially make it a matter of celebration when she supports and helps enthusiastically at times when you know she doesn’t fully agree.
50. Asking her to have sexual relations with you and seeking to be especially solicitous of her desires. Express gratitude when she tries to please you.
51. Buying gifts for her.
52. Remembering anniversaries and other events that are special to her.
53. Watching the TV program or going where she wants to go instead of doing what you want to do. Do it cheerfully and enthusiastically.
54. Being cooperative and appreciative when she holds you, caresses or kisses you.
55. Being cooperative when she tries to arouse you and desires to have sexual relations. Never make fun of her for expressing her desires.
56. Running errands gladly.
57. Ministering to her with a greater sensitivity when she is ill.
58. Being willing to see things from her point of view.
59. Being lovingly honest with her—no backdoor messages—no withholding of the truth that may hinder your present or future relationship.
60. Indicating you want to be alone with her and talk or just lie in each other’s arms.
61. Refusing to “cop out” or “blow up” or attack or blameshift or withdraw or exaggerate when she seeks to make constructive suggestions or discuss problems.
62. Giving her your undivided attention when she talks to you.
63. Cheerfully staying up past your bedtime to solve a problem or share her burdens.
64. Getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the children so that she may continue to sleep.
65. Holding her close while expressing tangible and vocal love when she is hurt, discouraged, weary, or burdened.
66. Planning vacations and trips with her.
67. Sometimes helping her yourself instead of telling the children to “help mommy.”
68. Being eager to share a good joke or some other interesting information you have learned.
69. Joining with her in a team ministry in the church.
70. Doing a Bible study or research project together.
71. Establishing a family budget.
72. Keeping yourself attractive and clean.
73. Being cooperative, helpful, as a co–host when you have people in for dinner or fellowship.
74. Asking her to pray with you about something.
75. Spending time with the children in play, study, and communication.
76. Acknowledging that there are some specific areas or ways in which you need to improve.
77. Refusing to disagree with her in the presence of others.
78. Cooperating with her in establishing family goals and then in fulfilling them.
79. Being available and eager to fulfill her desires whenever and wherever possible and proper.
80. Beginning each day with cheerfulness and tangible expressions of affections.
81. Planning to spend some time alone with her for sharing and communicating every day.
82. Remembering to tell her when you must work late.
83. Refusing to work late on a regular basis.
84. Taking care of the yard work properly.
85. Helping the children with their homework.
86. Refusing to compare her unfavorably with other people.
87. Handling money wisely.
88. Not allowing work, church, or recreational activities to keep you from fulfilling marriage or family responsibilities.
89. Trying to find things to do with her.
90. Being willing to go out or stay home with her.
91. Being polite, courteous, and mannerly with her.
92. Refusing to be overly dependent on your parents or friends.
93. Developing mutual friends.
94. Providing adequate hospitalization insurance.
95. Trying to the level of your ability to provide housing and some support for your family in case you should die or become handicapped.
96. Being on time.
97. Going to school meetings with her.
98. Letting her sleep in once in a while by getting the children breakfast and, if possible, off to school.
99. Frequently preferring her by giving in to her wishes and allowing her to have her own way unless to do so would be sinful.
100. Putting children to bed at night.
101. Being gentle and tender and holding her before and after sexual relations.
These love suggestions are adapted from: Wayne A. Mack, A Homework Manual for Biblical Living, volume II (P&R Publishing, 1980).
If you’d like to purchase the manual you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Homework-Manual-Biblical-Living-Interpersonal/dp/0875523560
